It's Nothing

When I was a kid, I used to avidly read Ann Landers. I don't remember most of the letters that were written in, but one has always stuck out in my mind, and seems to really hang there now that I am a parent, teaching my daughter to say please, thank you and you're welcome.

An elderly lady wrote in, complaining that young people were flippant and rude. No big shock there, that seems to be perpetual with the older generation referencing the younger generation throughout history.

This particular woman's complaint was that when she said 'thank you', she was more and more frequently being responded to with 'It's nothing'. She felt that young people were being rude by saying this because it suggested that they were being inconvenienced by whatever assistance they'd given that caused her to say thank you in the first place. Saying 'it's nothing', in her eyes, was the same as saying 'you mean nothing to me and therefore it's not worth thanking me over'.

Now that I'm teaching Punkin these standards of civilized life, I ponder the little old lady's reasoning.

I'm very careful with Punkin to say 'you're welcome'. Because I want her knowing what I feel to be the most appropriate response before I teach her other responses.

However, if you break down what you are saying with any of the commonest responses to 'thank you', I think in the end, you're still saying the same thing.

Here's my list:

You're Welcome - means, as far as I can tell, you are welcome to my help, assistance, food, whatever you are thanking me for.

My Pleasure - it was my pleasure to help you, assist you, feed you, whatever you are thanking me for

No Worries - it doesn't worry (read: bother) me to have helped you, assisted you, fed you, whatever you thanked me for.

No Problem - it was not a problem for me to help you, assist you, feed you, whatever you are thanking me for

It's Nothing - There is no need for you to thank me because as far as I am concerned it was my duty as a human inhabiting this earth to help you, assist you, feed you, whatever you are thanking me for.



All of these responses, in my opinion basically sum up to "There is no need for you to feel beholden to me, as I didn't mind doing the task that warranted the thank you". I appreciate it when people say please. I appreciate it when people say thank you. I appreciate it when I say thank you, that people say one of the above sentiments. It's civilized, and polite and part of what makes the world slightly nicer. But part of me thinks that these manner are something we teach our children that becomes rote. They don't understand why they are saying please, or thank you, or you're welcome, which is evidenced by Punkin's common switching of thank you and you're welcome in her speech. Those of us who are conscientious enough to teach our children these basic manners sometimes forget, I think, that children need to understand what the words mean, so that it's not just an empty habit. (This, of course, is difficult to explain to a 2-year-old, so for now, I'll be happy with habits.)

To an extent, I kind of understand what the old bird was going for. If someone has helped me out of a huge bind, I will say my (effusive) thanks. If they say 'it was nothing', or 'no problem' or something along those lines, I usually go out of my way to say 'it was something, to me', so that the thankee understands that it really did mean more to me than common manners. But in the end, all those things that we say, out of time-honoured and scripted habit are niceties that make us feel warm and fuzzy about interacting with other people. I'll take a 'no problem' over a 'screw you, bee-yotch' anyday.